My Student-Teaching Role Reversal & Why I am Embarrassed by my Hubris

When I turned 50, I make about 5,000 resolutions and #2,671 was to listen and follow my intuition more. What I had practiced most of my life was to listen to my head instead of my heart. Though that practice has been super-handy when buying cars or choosing insurance plans, it's not helpful in navigating personal development or wrestling issues of the soul. That is how I wound up in Balanced Body pilates teacher training. My intuition said "Dooooo itttttt," so I did.

Now that I am well into my first module called "Mat 1, 2, & 3" I feel comfortable announcing it. What isn't comfortable is holding a plank, balancing a teaser, or the general training itself. In the short time I've been at it, some discoveries have knocked me off of a very high horse that I didn't even realize I was on.

Pilates teacher training was rather simple for about the first 1.75 workshops. Midway into Mat 2, as my teacher held the pretend skeleton by the spine, exulted the miracle that is "fascia," and pointed out things that sounded like "ilio tracantor"* and "rectis abdominus,"* I caught myself thinking, "Whatever, lady. You're into anatomy because you used to be a nurse and a physical therapist. I'm an English teacher interested in personal development. That's my angle. You can have your angle, and I'll have mine, thank you very much. Now, when can we get on the reformer?"

Fact: A huge focus of early pilates training is anatomy, and my teacher was made for this. She gets really excited when she points out how shifting this affects that, how one thing aligns with the next, and how from birth, things happen in this order and then that order. And all the while, I had my "I'm interested" face plastered on as I snuck peeks at the clock and rolled my eyes on the inside.

And then I recognized something that I and characters in ancient Greek tragedies (and maybe you) have in common: HUBRIS. Hubris has an official definition, but my modified one is this: Hubris is type of pride where you think you're greater than someone or something else, and that thinking leads to actions which lead to events that bring about your embarrassing and often public downfall.**

I had to check myself:

• Did I really think myself more knowledgable than my instructor?

• Did I really think that I was going to waltz in there determined that my way is better? (This is especially funny because I don't even have a "way" yet.)

• Did I really think that just because I have 30 years' classroom experience teaching English that I would be a natural pilates instructor?

• Did I really think that just because she was speaking a language I didn't speak (anatomy/science), that I could and should disengage from listening to her?

I asked myself, "Who in this room knows something about teaching pilates? Guess what!? It isn't YOU!"

SMH.

I chose to restart and shed my criticism and bad attitude.

I thought, "Okay, instead of thinking that my way is better, WHAT IF I CHOSE TO THINK ABOUT IT HER WAY INSTEAD?"

I have a lot to learn about anatomy, and though it seems like I don't like it now because it's basically a foreign language to me, maybe I can ride my teacher's enthusiasm, really listen to her, and try to also get excited about the mechanics of the human body. Just because I think I don't like it doesn't mean it's actually true. (Remember brussels sprouts?) How about you have respect for this woman and a hugely open mind, and then you can have little thoughts about what I might add or how I might tweak things when I am teaching my own classes?

AND

If someday I do pass the beast of a test (guess what the anatomy is for?) and become an instructor, maybe I can figure out how to infuse my own style into my teaching. Maybe I won't have a skeleton in the corner. Maybe I will play old-skool hip hop. Maybe I will embellish with snippets of inspirational messaging and add my own flare. But I cannot waltz in at the beginning with that image in my head and decide it is the only right way and scoff at the ways others do it differently.

I realized an irony. Some of my former student teachers have been that way with me. More than one didn't want to hear my advice or do things my way. I had others who did. When my student teachers didn't embrace some key principles from which I never stray, I was immediately put off by their hubris, and then I happily let their dismissal of my best practices lead to out-of-control classrooms which they couldn't recover. (For like a day or two until they asked my advice.)

Look at me. I'm the student teacher now. I'm the one who has to accept someone else's expertise and welcome it. I'm the one who has to bend in literal and metaphorical ways. (There's a move called corkscrew. Eek.) I'm the one who needs to be open minded and ride the wave of her teacher's enthusiasm until she sees why it all matters because it surely does.

It's time to own up to my own hubris. Just to prove to you that I am legit, I'm going to include a very unflattering picture of me barely holding a plank on one leg.

So there it is. I'd love to write more, but I literally have to compose a 30-minute class to teach to my classmates today AND complete some homework before class starts. Wish me luck.

XOXO, Meredith

*ilio trochanter & rectus abdominis

**If you're looking for other examples of hubris, think of politicians or white collar criminals and you'll come up with some.